May 20, 2011
English Notices' Applications
Notices in English for tourists in Gujarat (India):
In an Ahmedabad Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
In a Baroda hotel elevator:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Surat hotel lobby:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Jamnagar:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Ahmedabad hotel near Gujarat College:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Bhavnagar hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is rekvested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an Anand laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time..
In a heritage hotel at Junagadh:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides (on the famous white asses) in Rann of Kutch:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a 5-Star Hotel cocktail lounge in Ahmedabad:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In the office of a Ahmedabad gynecologist:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In a Bharuch hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In an Ahmedabad Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
In a Baroda hotel elevator:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Surat hotel lobby:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Jamnagar:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Ahmedabad hotel near Gujarat College:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Bhavnagar hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is rekvested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an Anand laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time..
In a heritage hotel at Junagadh:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides (on the famous white asses) in Rann of Kutch:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a 5-Star Hotel cocktail lounge in Ahmedabad:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In the office of a Ahmedabad gynecologist:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In a Bharuch hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
May 14, 2011
50 reasons not to date a Graphic Designer
1. They are very weird people.
2. There are billions of them in the world, like colors on the screen of your computer.
3. They will analyze conversations in layers.
4. You will spend the day assembling furniture from IKEA.
5. They drink and eat all kinds of weird shit just because they like the packaging.
6. They hate each other.
7. You’ll come out the last out of the movies because you have to see the full list of credits.
8. They cant change a light bulb or without making a sketch.
9. They fuck up all the tables with their cutters.
10. They rather study the pattern on your outfit than listen to what you have to say.
11. They will fill your house with magazines and whatever is out there that has drawings.
12. You never know if it is really an original or a copy.
13. They make collages with your photos.
14. They do not know how to add and subtract, they just understand letters.
15. They idolize people who nobody knows and speak of them as if they were his colleagues.
16. They take pictures almost daily and all are cut in weird shapes.
17. They ask your opinion about everything but they do whatever they want.
18. Everything is left justified, right or center unless they arrive late.
19. They hate Comic Sans with the same passion they love Helvetica.
20. They use iPhone for everything, because everyone has one.
21. You can not decorate the house without consulting them.
22. They steal street signs.
23. Always carry their hands painted with something.
24. They buy dolls unfinished for them to paint.
25. Everything becomes something other than what it really is: cards as tickets, cards as …
26. When arguing, you will be nicknamed like the OSX spinning wheel (not affectionately)
27. Do not know how to dress without consulting the Pantone book.
28. They hate Excel.
29. They read comics.
30. They want to save the world only with a poster.
31. You will spend the day brainstorming.
32. On vacation they will take you to countries that you do not know exist and have no beach.
33. Museums are their second home.
34. They know more positions than the Kamasutra.
35. They can’t go to a restaurant without secretly critiquing the menu design.
36. They listen to music you have never heard of.
37. They can´t cook a normal dish, they always have to experiment with new ingredients.
38. They read rare books: stories of children, Semiotics …
39. When you are going to tell you something, everyone has read it in their facebook and twitter.
40. They have own iPods before you knew they existed.
41. The orgasm they remember is when they heard that Adobe was acquiring Macromedia.
42. They have their own shops just for them and there are the most expensive in the city.
43. They want to spend all the money in the Apple Store.
44. You will never understand their gifts.
45. They see ordinary objects and laugh.
46. You wake up in the middle of the night hearing them screaming “When is the deadline?”
47. They see CMYK and RGB like Neo sees the Matrix.
48. They dream of the day nobody will make a single change to their designs.
49. They'd rather pay for a font than for a special birthday gift.
50. They are always sleepy because they work 24/7.
2. There are billions of them in the world, like colors on the screen of your computer.
3. They will analyze conversations in layers.
4. You will spend the day assembling furniture from IKEA.
5. They drink and eat all kinds of weird shit just because they like the packaging.
6. They hate each other.
7. You’ll come out the last out of the movies because you have to see the full list of credits.
8. They cant change a light bulb or without making a sketch.
9. They fuck up all the tables with their cutters.
10. They rather study the pattern on your outfit than listen to what you have to say.
11. They will fill your house with magazines and whatever is out there that has drawings.
12. You never know if it is really an original or a copy.
13. They make collages with your photos.
14. They do not know how to add and subtract, they just understand letters.
15. They idolize people who nobody knows and speak of them as if they were his colleagues.
16. They take pictures almost daily and all are cut in weird shapes.
17. They ask your opinion about everything but they do whatever they want.
18. Everything is left justified, right or center unless they arrive late.
19. They hate Comic Sans with the same passion they love Helvetica.
20. They use iPhone for everything, because everyone has one.
21. You can not decorate the house without consulting them.
22. They steal street signs.
23. Always carry their hands painted with something.
24. They buy dolls unfinished for them to paint.
25. Everything becomes something other than what it really is: cards as tickets, cards as …
26. When arguing, you will be nicknamed like the OSX spinning wheel (not affectionately)
27. Do not know how to dress without consulting the Pantone book.
28. They hate Excel.
29. They read comics.
30. They want to save the world only with a poster.
31. You will spend the day brainstorming.
32. On vacation they will take you to countries that you do not know exist and have no beach.
33. Museums are their second home.
34. They know more positions than the Kamasutra.
35. They can’t go to a restaurant without secretly critiquing the menu design.
36. They listen to music you have never heard of.
37. They can´t cook a normal dish, they always have to experiment with new ingredients.
38. They read rare books: stories of children, Semiotics …
39. When you are going to tell you something, everyone has read it in their facebook and twitter.
40. They have own iPods before you knew they existed.
41. The orgasm they remember is when they heard that Adobe was acquiring Macromedia.
42. They have their own shops just for them and there are the most expensive in the city.
43. They want to spend all the money in the Apple Store.
44. You will never understand their gifts.
45. They see ordinary objects and laugh.
46. You wake up in the middle of the night hearing them screaming “When is the deadline?”
47. They see CMYK and RGB like Neo sees the Matrix.
48. They dream of the day nobody will make a single change to their designs.
49. They'd rather pay for a font than for a special birthday gift.
50. They are always sleepy because they work 24/7.
May 12, 2011
May 10, 2011
Computer People
A computer engineer calls his friend: APPLE shway jina la 3endkun MACINTOSH bil beit, men DELL natrin aw ma bi ACER?
His friend replies by: HP 3arrefneh!
His friend replies by: HP 3arrefneh!
May 7, 2011
May 6, 2011
May 5, 2011
May 4, 2011
May 3, 2011
May 2, 2011
May 1, 2011
May in Netherlands
It looks so unreal...but no, it is real, very real...
At first glance, it looks like a giant child armed with a box of crayons has been set loose upon the landscape. Vivid stripes of purple, yellow, red, pink, orange and green make up a glorious patchwork. Yet far from being a child's sketchbook, this is, in fact, the northern Netherlands in the middle of tulip season. The Dutch landscape in May is a kaleidoscope of color as the tulips burst into life. The bulbs are planted in late October and early November. More than three billion tulips are grown each year and two-thirds of the vibrant blooms are exported, mostly to the U.S. and Germany.
Their dazzling colors are thanks to the years in the 17th century when tulip mania swept the globe and the most eye-catching specimens changed hands for a small fortune. But like a Rainbow, this colorful landscape is a short-lived phenomenon. When the flowers are gone, the land will be cultivated for a rather more mundane crop of vegetables.
The Netherlands produce more than nine million bulbs a year.
At first glance, it looks like a giant child armed with a box of crayons has been set loose upon the landscape. Vivid stripes of purple, yellow, red, pink, orange and green make up a glorious patchwork. Yet far from being a child's sketchbook, this is, in fact, the northern Netherlands in the middle of tulip season. The Dutch landscape in May is a kaleidoscope of color as the tulips burst into life. The bulbs are planted in late October and early November. More than three billion tulips are grown each year and two-thirds of the vibrant blooms are exported, mostly to the U.S. and Germany.
Their dazzling colors are thanks to the years in the 17th century when tulip mania swept the globe and the most eye-catching specimens changed hands for a small fortune. But like a Rainbow, this colorful landscape is a short-lived phenomenon. When the flowers are gone, the land will be cultivated for a rather more mundane crop of vegetables.
The Netherlands produce more than nine million bulbs a year.
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